“Isn’t it crazy? I mean, we used to be best friends.” Upon hearing my apparently former best friend say this, I was faced with the harsh reality that your friendships will inevitably change when you come to university. I’m not completely clueless; I knew we couldn’t have the same relationship we did when we spent hours a day together at school and lived down the street from each other. Still, the sting of knowing you aren’t as close to someone as you used to be can hurt, and leave you wondering if you’ve tried hard enough.
Recognising your relationships will change is an important part of the challenge that is maintaining friendships from home. Though it can be hard for a friend to go from someone who you used to sit next to in class every day to someone you call every once in a while, that’s sometimes just how it goes. Friendships that were strengthened by proximity can take some trial and error to find new footing now that its parties have been ripped apart by distance. However, I’m of the firm belief that if a friendship is worth it, you’ll find a balance eventually. Nothing beats the magic of coming home and picking up right where you left off, as if no time has passed.
Maintaining a friendship from home can come naturally or take some time to figure out. It’s important to remember friendships are a two-way street; ideally, you should both be putting in the same amount of effort to keep it up. And while we’re on that note: maintaining friendships doesn’t – and shouldn’t – have to feel like a monumental effort. Calling your friends for a catch-up shouldn’t feel like a chore.
Personally, my friendships from home have been maintained on the back of impromptu calls, lots of texting about nothing in particular, and plenty of time spent together when we can. There’s a comforting nostalgia to going home and seeing these friends, spending time in bedrooms that haven’t changed since we left for university, and feeling as if we’re sixteen again.
On the flip side, keeping up your university friendships while at home can also be challenging to navigate. With the amount of time we spend lounging with our flatmates and studying with friends at university, it can be jarring to suddenly go weeks on end with no sight of each other. My advice for this is the same: keep communication channels flowing. If you saw something that reminded you of a friend, let them know. If you have a few minutes to spare, give them a call – they’ll appreciate it.
Friendships are constants in our lives, but they are always evolving. We must adapt with them, and recognize when we’re holding on too tightly to something we should let go of. That makes the friendships that last the long game all the more rewarding.
Image by Hannah Busing on Unslpash.
