Somewhere between the hours of endless crying and shots of tequila taken that have no memory attached to them — I realised my breakup might have been the best thing that ever happened to me. It didn’t hit me straight away (in fact the deliveroo kebab got to me first), but losing that part of my life gave me the chance for something better, alongside a few too many emails from Spoons thanking me for my business.
I’ve been through it all, trust me. My qualifications are written in the hours-long FaceTime calls asking ‘where it all went wrong’ with my friends and the alarming number of tissues I breezed through when the bed felt a little too cold and a lot too empty at night. If you’re looking to graduate with honours in snotty crying, I’m your girl.
So, with the Christmas markets opening, and couples walking hand-in-hand managing to bring back up the taste of my lunch, I want to reassure you this festive period that a breakup can also be the most wonderful time of the year. For starters, my bank account is thrilled to have one less present to buy!
#1: LET YOURSELF FEEL IT. The biggest mistake I made was feeling like I had to prove I was totally over it. It’s not a competition. You don’t win by showing you don’t care. Actually, you bottle it up and it hits you later, harder, in ways that have you questioning if you actually progressed past the age of seven. So please, let yourself be sad. You’ve lost a comfortable part of your life, whether it ended for the right reasons. In fact, neuroscientists have actually found breakups are processed in the same area of the brain as physical pain. You don’t need a revenge body, or an instagram highlight of a million nights out. You need time. And maybe a carton of Ben and Jerry’s.
#2: NO CONTACT. I BEG. If you haven’t already, block, mute, silence. I’m always an advocate for not deleting all the photos; it was a big part of your life. But right now is not the time to reminisce. One day, looking back will make you laugh. But now, is the time to:
#3: FOCUS ON YOU. You’ve cried more than you thought is humanly possible, you’ve made Marie Kondo proud with your social media cleanse — now it’s time to start living for you. Wear that outfit you’ve been saving, pick up that book you said you were going to read three months ago (and brush off the dust), and try out that new hobby.
It’s awful and ugly and painful, but it’s also beautiful and healing. Because one day soon, you’ll look around at the friendships you’ve nurtured, the hobbies you’ve discovered, the person you’ve become, and realise none of this would have happened if it wasn’t for that breakup. It’s not about getting over them, it’s a chance to rediscover you.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash.