Growing up, I dreamt of being a princess – specifically, Aurora from Sleeping Beauty. This was mostly because I loved pink, but also because I fantasised about love at first sight. While having the perfect guy sweep me off my feet sounds nice, marrying a stranger at 19 is considerably less appealing. Still, it seems that talk of finding ‘the one’ isn’t uncommon at this age, begging the question: should we be looking for our future spouse right now, or is it all in our heads?
Coming from Georgia, marrying young isn’t unfamiliar to me, with a few of my former classmates already planning weddings. This isn’t the norm, but the idea of meeting your spouse at university is widely held. Seeing classmates in committed relationships can create a sense of urgency — especially when considering that 16.94 per cent of Edinburgh students marry someone they met here. But I promise you that your standards aren’t too high, and you won’t end up alone unless you choose to. If you feel like you need to be in a relationship, it’s a sign that you shouldn’t be in one. Until you are happy with just you, stay away from bringing someone else into your life — that way when you are ready, you’ll be in the right headspace for it.
Less discussed is the pressure when dating to have plans for the future. When you get into a relationship, someone is bound to ask where you see it going — will you two stay together after university? Are they ‘the one’? These questions are daunting at any age, let alone in your early twenties. Still, it’s far more difficult when the pressure comes directly from your partner. I’ll never forget my ex-boyfriend’s rage when I said that, at 16, I didn’t see myself marrying him. It seems that relationships these days are all or nothing; either you’re giving each other promise rings to celebrate six months, or you’ve been seeing each other for two years and it’s still ‘just casual’ — if that’s the case, please read Normal People, it may help.
Many friends of mine believe that there is no point in dating if you don’t see a future with that person, but can’t it be possible to date for the present? Why is it that you can hook up with someone with no judgement or consequences, but the minute you go out to dinner you need a five year plan? While daydreaming about the future is fun, when it comes to relationships, it’s better to focus on the present. Alternatively, if you want something more serious with someone but they don’t seem to want the same things, don’t try to force it. If you’re not ‘the one’ for them, then it’s a sign that they aren’t ‘the one’ for you.
Nobody can dictate your feelings, including yourself. Enjoy being young, if not just to have good stories to tell to Prince Charming one day. The real romance of our twenties isn’t about locking down ‘the one’ before graduation — it’s about forming a positive relationship with ourselves.
Image by Charlotte Dorward @_twostepsforward for The Student
