Everyone has an unfortunate story to share regarding someone who they believed was a good friend, someone they could trust, or someone they could simply share a laugh with that went sour as their true colours were revealed. Obviously, there are varying degrees of severity within toxic friendships but regardless it is always difficult to cut someone off and remove yourself from their negativity and prioritise yourself.
A common difficulty is the overwhelming guilt endured when contemplating moving on from a “hateful” friendship. No one wants to be viewed in a negative light, so often we will remain silent and accepting of an unfulfilling friendship to avoid the culpability that could be pinned on us. This is an important emotion to overcome as the inner people-pleaser within us wants to try and make things work and be there for everyone. Additionally, the thought of being alone or having fewer people to call your friend can be rather frightening as one is forced into a twisted act of self-reflection to contemplate where all the fault lies in the collapse of the friendship. It is easy to be miserable in a toxic friendship, but as the tension mounts it is inevitable to begin mirroring cruel behaviours, hence the importance of releasing destructive friendships from your life.
Whilst these barriers in letting go of toxic friendships are apparent to the majority, it is not enough to simply acknowledge why you are struggling to proceed with your life and move on from the overwhelming negativity. It is crucial that you move on in order to develop your sense of self-respect. Once you comprehend that the only person you will be with for the rest of your life is yourself, it may be easier to be kinder to yourself and admit that sometimes it is necessary to be selfish. Selfishness typically has negative connotations but in regard to toxic friendships and self-love it can be a great tool in enhancing your own power to confront your situation and start anew.
Once you reach a point of self-respect and know that you need to rid yourself of the toxic presence of someone, this can be a messy, chaotic and painful experience and it needs to be managed sensitively. It will be difficult. It will be sad. It will be confusing. Yet, it is significantly better to detach yourself from a hateful relationship. It is important to communicate effectively and provide them with an explanation, rather than an attack, on why you feel that as an individual you would benefit from calling quits on that friendship.
It is paramount to respect and know yourself well enough to be able to say good riddance and accept the loss without dwelling in a state of bitterness and be grateful for the lessons you learnt in the friendship and hopefully focus on constructing new positive connections.
Illustration by Lola White.
