A couple of weeks ago I was scrolling on TikTok (as you do) and was introduced to the notion of a “catch-up friend,” someone with whom your only activities centre around getting coffee and filling in the gaps in their life since you last got coffee together!
Whilst this sounded pleasant enough in my head, I was horribly wrong. This specific TikToker shunned the relationship; it’s boring, no memories are made, and essentially it is not a “real” friendship!
This actually made me think (for once) that many of my friendships at university and home occur around a café table with a chai latte in hand! Are these friendships really meaningless, memoryless and ultimately dull?
My answer to this; absolutely not! I think people will agree with me when I say that life is very busy. At university, there’s always an essay or group presentation to do. On top of that, just the daily tasks of cooking for yourself and simply organising life take up a lot of time. So the idea that it is terrible not to be the friend that makes memories doing wild and crazy things like trampolining, rock climbing and running a half-marathon together seems totally stupid to me!
I think having a friend who you see for coffee to catch up with is better than not seeing them at all, because you don’t always have time to make these crazy memories you are meant to be making.
Naturally, things like going on a spontaneous trip are far more exciting than coffee, but activities like that are done with your closest friends. Perhaps the coffee date hangouts are just the beginning phase of your friendship, equivalent to the dating phase, where you catch up and find your similarities and TV shows to bond over before you start making crazy memories.
However, if you find your coffee dates are getting a bit dry and you aren’t really that busy, then perhaps try a charity shopping trip in Newington or Stockbridge, a cinema outing, pizza at Portobello – the list goes on.
Rather than forcing some crazy scheme to make memories, let things evolve naturally. I find during coffee, I am always making plans with my friend after we talk about something we both want to do, see, or go to.
So, whilst being the catch-up friend is not always the most action-packed, coffee dates are still very appreciated. There is something special about knowing you can share your life and listen to your friend’s intimate and hectic stories without any pressure, over a cup of coffee.
Illustration by Lucy Wellington @luspaints.jpg
