Perhaps you’re feeling a lot of emotion at the end of university. I feel it too. Not any emotion in particular, but a series of flying thoughts and feelings crossing your mind like they were shooting stars in the sky. Second semester is especially challenging because, unlike the first semester, there seems to be less of a defined ending for when the university community dissipates. I am, like many others, filled with doubts about the future. I am, like many others, filled with doubts about myself. But if there is anything we can be sure of at the end of university it is that we have become more than we were at the start of the year.
Endings. We always search for closure. Something to make sense of what we have been through. I study history, and the eternal struggle of the discipline is where to draw the line between where things begin and where they end. When is medieval and when is modern? It’s not mathematical or scientific, but we invented those disciplines, too. Despite what many believe, these artificial barriers are not useless or unimportant. It is an asset to have endings.
My university experience began when I saw my room in my first-year accommodation. It was unfurnished, but not empty. It was filled with potential. For the first time in my life, I could have a room of my own making. My own identity, totally developed by my own actions. When I saw that room in its unrealized state, I smiled as a rush of enthusiasm animated me. That was my beginning, just one of many who will be graduating this year.
My first-year self is unrecognisable from my fourth-year self. My energy and naivety have been replaced with endurance and nuance. I’m slower, but more patient. I’m more tired, but more durable. I’ve fallen down, but climbed back up. I don’t regret my first-year self, but I cherish that I have become more than what I was four years ago. Reflecting on my beginning of university has given me more clarity and sanctity about where my ending will be.
The time spent at university has no inherent meaning; you give it meaning. You have the power to define your time and make it mean something. You have the power to pinpoint a certain moment in time and define it as a moment of your esteemed transformation. And isn’t that wonderful. No matter how infinitesimal a fleeting moment may be, we can hold on to it, stretch it, cherish it, and derive meaning from it that can be a guiding source of inspiration for years. So, enjoy your history. Bathe in it. Be proud of it. There is no reason to rush off just yet. Whether it’s your graduation, your final assessment, or any other happening, you get to define which moments define your history.
Endings are not your reckoning; they are gateways to your ascendancy. And when you look back at yourself four years ago, you’ll marvel at how high you climbed. Because when you do things right, you won’t be sure you’ve done anything at all.
Photo by Yixin JIANG on Unsplash