Until 1928, the majority of women in the UK could not vote. Until 1945, women had to quit work upon marriage. Until 1975, women could not open bank accounts or have credit cards in their own name. These are remarkably recent dates, especially when compared to a long history of men having the unquestioned right to act as autonomous individuals.
So, why is there a current trend of women backtracking on these achievements by infantilising themselves in relationships? If you turn to social media, it seems many coupled-up women have become brain-dead, subservient dolls who spend all day doing menial tasks while their boyfriends go to work and make the decisions. TikTok user @mynameisntmanny posted a video captioned, “turning my brain off around my boyfriend everywhere so I can relax and he can think for both of us.” In a similar vein, user @emmamaeedavis posted about “being good at the blue store so he will buy me whatever I want from the pink store.” Luckily, the comment sections tend to express disappointment in women relegating themselves in this way, with reactions such as “we ain’t ever leaving the patriarchy” and “why are we regressing” appearing time and time again.
In my opinion, “girl dinner” has a lot to answer for. While at the time it seemed an innocent jest about women enjoying quick-and-easy meals like pesto pasta, people online started applying the term to other matters. For example, “girl math” was used to describe poor financial decisions or inaccurate calculations. It became accepted to label anything foolish as a “girl” activity. Perhaps this was in the name of humour, but it betrays a darker truth about the conception of women online — something Louis Theroux’s recent Manosphere documentary delves into further.
However, it would be too simplistic to blame this dissipation of female independence in relationships entirely on the patriarchy, and a lie to say I don’t experience the switching-off-of-the-brain myself. A 2022 study by the American Psychosomatic Society revealed that there is a biological link between healthy relationships and better sleep quality: physical touch and social bonding release oxytocin, known as the love hormone, which has a calming effect on your nervous system. In short, being around a person you love and trust will relax you. It is possible some women online could be misinterpreting these feelings of safety and relaxation with a gendered hierarchy, believing the trust they have in their boyfriend is due to his status as a man rather than his status as a romantic partner. That said, clearly this interpretation comes from a problematic deep-rooted belief.
Sometimes we all need someone to lead the way. The issue comes in when women start infantilising themselves by acting as though they can’t do anything without their boyfriend’s guidance. Thankfully, it seems to me that many of the videos promoting this ‘helpless girlfriend’ trope are either rage bait, or met with harsh backlash. Nevertheless, it is important to continue criticising these videos, however harmless they seem on the surface, because they perpetuate an outdated perspective on gender relations.
Photo by Giacomo Ferroni on Unsplash.