I do not know why it is the case, I only know that it is the case, that so many of us in our late teens, and early twenties feel like we must be in relationships. Realistically, who can blame us? It is nice to feel wanted, loved, and desired. It can also feel safe to know that you have someone by your side, and that you can answer “yes, I have a partner” when asked if you are dating at the next family gathering. But, this led me to wonder, does this inevitably lead many of us to compromise our standards and let people treat us like shit on the bottom of their shoe, simply to not feel alone.
Ostensibly, our generation has taken a swift return to the ages of old, with desires to have love stories similar to our grandparents. This is a drastic change to the stories of our parents who, in my case, preach that it is vital to snog a few frogs before you find your prince. Whenever I call home one of the first questions my mum asks me is how many people I am dating at the moment, and how many people are trying to woo me. Whilst this is obviously coming from the bias of my mother thinking I am perfect, it is interesting to me, because she sincerely believes I should be dating around and learning the lessons of life from this. The thought of settling down aged 19 would horrify her, as she urged me to break up with my high school boyfriend before university so that I could live before acting like a middle-aged, married woman.
This provides a stark contrast to the conversations I have with my friends regarding our love lives. Though some of my friends do casually date around, many openly admit that they need to be in a relationship to feel whole, like they are incomplete alone. Primarily, I understand this premise, yet I also believe it promotes a worrying image of what young people believe the purpose of relationships is for. We should be entering relationships to add on to our lives, rather than because we need them to complete us.
With this in mind, I am concerningly aware that many of us readily compromise what we want, simply so we can remain in relationships. In my experience, this ranges from tolerating the company of someone you are just not interested in, to enduring the abuse of someone you feel like you love. Surely, however, this cannot be the answer to dating as a young person in the 21st century. Surely we can stick up for ourselves. Surely we are not so desperate to feel loved that we would reject our own morals?
Many would like to believe that this is the case, yet unfortunately, it simply is not. The number of people I personally know who act like a married couple with three kids and that’s causing them to stay together is insane for people who have been dating for six months at uni with no major life decisions made together. Consequently, young people need to be reminded that they do not need to find the love of their life at the age of 19. If you have, and you are happy, loved, and safe, then that is wonderful, but if you have not, then that is also fine. I assure you, it is much better to be an individual and proud of who you are and not compromise your values than to date someone just so that you can say you are.
Photo by Jeremy Cai on Unsplash.