Luckily for me, Vogue’s affirming article: ‘Is Having A Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?’, coincided very timely with my breakup. This piece explores the fact that women are no longer valuing relationships like they used to. No more is it seen as impressive and superior to be in a relationship—really the opposite sentiment has sprung. Being single and creating your own strong and unshakable identity is now more respected and admired. I agree with the article’s argument and wonder, why has this change come about?
I believe women’s priorities have undergone a shift which puts female friendships at the top of the podium instead. The value of female friendships has been perpetuated more than ever in the media recently, with a revival of Sex and the City, books like Dolly Alderton’s Everything I know about Love, and J Courtney Sullivan’s Friends and Strangers. In these books and shows, there is a consensus that men will come and go, but your girlfriends will be there for you forever. There has been a realisation that nothing is as fulfilling than your friendships with women, who are always going to be more emotionally intelligent, savvy and supportive than men.
As mentioned in Vogue’s article, there is a fear with having a boyfriend that they will inevitably embarrass and let you down. From mine and my friends’ experiences, a relationship follows the same pattern every time: the man that you once thought could do no wrong, does or says something so devoid of human compassion and understanding that it irks you to the core. They do not even understand what they have done wrong—which makes it even worse. I think women are realising that you do not actually have to put up with that anymore; being single is better than having a constant liability.
The hassle that comes with men is another reason why boyfriends are on the decline. Women in a relationship find themselves stepping into the role of the mother. You blink and now you are reminding a once seemingly capable man to do his university work, say happy birthday to his sister, and brush his teeth. It is exhausting. I think there is a consensus that you’d rather have no relationship than be in one where you are his mother.
Naturally, this whole week, me and my girlfriends have been discussing Vogue’s article. My friend Anna sees the devaluation of boyfriends as linked to politics and women’s rejection of the simple ‘wife role.’ Women, now more than ever, have the opportunity to create their own successful autonomous life, so why wouldn’t they? My friend Stacie, in response to the article, said, “Did we need Vogue to tell us that?”
Whilst Vogue’s article was lighthearted and fun, underlying it is a serious change in the way women are viewing themselves, boyfriends and relationships. We are no longer the prize sat around patiently waiting to be picked by a man—as cringey as it sounds, we are now picking ourselves, our interests, and our careers. In an age where women are slowly outperforming men, perhaps the real question is ‘have women outgrown men?’
Photo by Yana Hurska on Unsplash.