The upcoming film Saipan focuses on Ireland’s 2002 World Cup campaign, or more accurately its disintegration, and the implosion of the relationship between the two protagonists, manager Mick McCarthy and captain Roy Keane. Aside from the tantalising, and slightly terrifying, prospect of seeing Steve Coogan as McCarthy, this has reminded me of a question I’ve always pondered, but never been able to clearly answer. For the most popular (and best) sport in the world, football films are relatively thin on the ground, and when we do get them they just seem a little off. While I cannot claim this article explains precisely why this is, I find it helpful to propose a handful of potential solutions.
I should clarify here I am talking about dramatic retellings of football rather than documentaries. There have been many wonderful football documentaries (watch the 1982, 1986 and 1990 World Cup films if you doubt this, narrated by Sean Connery, Michael Caine, and Edward Woodward respectively), but it’s the dramatic interpretations which leave much to be desired. I should acknowledge too that most football documentaries today are unwatchably dull PR exercises for clubs and players trying to pretend they are less bland and corporate than they so patently are.
Note too the number of very decent football portrayals in cinema. The Damned United is a genuinely brilliant film, and I was astonished when my hopes were not dashed by Baggio: The Divine Ponytail, which was surprisingly decent. These films often succeed through showing as little football on screen as possible, though. The Damned United portrays football well, but it does the same for working-class 1970s Britain, and is about so much more besides what happened on the pitch.
It would be a glaring oversight if I failed to mention the magnificent Escape to Victory. Bobby Moore, Pele, Michael Caine and Sylvester Stallone playing against a team of Nazis in WWII in Paris: what more could you want?
One of the best sporting films is Rush, and F1’s portrayal is aided by the fact you don’t need to see drivers’ faces when they are in the car, so professionals can be brought in for those scenes. This is obviously not the case for football, and it is instantly obvious when someone doesn’t really know how to kick a football.
Another issue comes with rights and branding. Escape to Victory and The Damned United are set far enough back for it to not matter too much, and Baggio: The Divine Ponytail managed to get Diadora on-board, but with the way modern kits are covered in branding, it becomes unavoidably distracting for losers like me if this is not correct. I thought the trailer for Saipan looked reasonably promising, but I couldn’t quite get over the fake Umbro logos.
In that vein, football is so huge, and the people who love it are so invested, that any flaws in the portrayal can be huge distractions. Take language for instance. Football has its own dialect, and while it’s illogical, and both incomprehensible and worthless for non-football people, when people talk about football without using it, it sounds very odd. Even worse is when people try and ape football dialects and get it slightly wrong. We know what you’re trying and you have also just revealed you’re not really a football person. This happens in all portrayals of football and football culture inside and outside of films, but it can prove anything from mildly incongruous to completely distracting.
I have reasonably high expectations for Saipan, even despite their attempt at the Umbro logo, but for me, and I don’t doubt many other football-obsessed losers, the potential for little details frustrating me throughout is obvious. And it’s why making films about football is such a risky undertaking.
Image credits: “Michael Sheen” by Gage Skidmore is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.