It seems to me that in the current social context, a breakup is expected to be followed by a period of no contact. This means that during the soul destroying heartbreak of losing your partner as a loved one, you are instituting a policy of complete silence. No texts, no calls, and god-forbid, no meeting in person. Whilst it may appear extreme, I am a firm believer that no contact is a rule that must be followed, or else you will inevitably face the consequences of confusion, terror, and guilt…
When discussing no contact, we must at first acknowledge that this is a relatively new concept with the rise of social media and online communication. It is no longer a possibility for you to break up with someone, get rid of their stuff, and move on with your life. Unfortunately, you will be plagued with Instagram stories, snapchat flashbacks, and the temptation of knowing that talking to them is only a phone call away.
Consequently, I would advocate the block button. I know this may seem extreme, even if the breakup was relatively painless and civilised, if you struggle with self-restraint, there is truly no harm in blocking them. This act may have negative connotations of hatred and disgust, but truthfully my mindset on it was altered when a friend told me to see it as the ‘free me’ button rather than the ‘block’ button. Personally, this helped me to finally enter into a period of no contact, and heal from a breakup which had tortured me for over a year.
Removing someone from your life in this manner is truly more necessary than you might think, because at first, it is virtually impossible to interact with a past significant other in a totally friendly manner. Feelings, whether emotional, or sexual, or both, will remain lingering. This offers a slippery slope of safety, as you can be assured a guaranteed shag, or shoulder to cry on. When this comes wrapped up with a fraught emotional past, I promise you that this is absolutely never a good choice in the long run.
Further, the greatest risk, in my opinion, when breaking no contact in the vulnerability of the anguish of a relationship ending is the danger that you could get back together. I fell down this horrific rabbit hole on several occasions with the same ex, breaking up and getting back together six times before finally calling it quits because we both failed to leave each other alone. This experience definitely grants me the credentials to urge everyone out there attempting no contact to please follow through with it, no matter how it hurts.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash.