Fun, flirty, fulfilling. This messy cocktail that is dating encapsulates the fundamentals of relationships; connection, trust and vulnerability build gradually as you discover the smaller traits and quirks you either grow to love or hate. This idea can comfortably exist under the labels of ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’. Yet to state this so plainly naively ignores the overcomplications this generation thrives off creating, with terms like talking stage and situationships filling the dating scene. These are all just filler words for before you finally reach a number of months deemed appropriate to then claim the final labels.
There is so much pressure surrounding the idea that once you’re official, that’s the relationship you have to give at least a few good years to, otherwise it’s wasted effort. If we view being ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ as such, the only purpose then is to climb up the success ladder: to be able to say you’re in such a serendipitous relationship and rub it in all the singleton’s faces. But see, that only works if you’re genuinely happy.
Why is the term ‘boyfriend’ only reserved for the men we’re very serious about, for the men we see ourselves buying a house with or bringing along to dinner parties? Why is there so much stress and structure surrounding that term when it could just mean the guy we’re currently seeing? With the rise in purity culture, there is an air of embarrassment when we, God forbid, have to admit we’ve been with more than one person. We waste our time flitting from situation to situation with no real clarity. We complain when we lack understanding but also cannot fathom naming him ‘boyfriend’ within a few weeks. There must be a middle ground, and so, the two-month boyfriend is a truly freeing ideal.
He doesn’t have to be the Guinness to your Hugo Spritz for the rest of time, and he certainly doesn’t have to be the future father of your children. He could just be your boyfriend in your second year of university, with whom you had the time of your life for a few months. The expectation shouldn’t be that you stay because the status quo deems you immature if you can’t make a relationship work for years. The expectation should be that you walk away if you know it’s hurting you; that doesn’t make you evil, it just makes you human.
We cling onto the term ‘boyfriend’ like it’s our life ring, otherwise we have failed. However, ‘boyfriend’ becomes meaningless and is no mark of longevity if you mould yourself into a shape for society to accept. When you become malleable, a victim of traditionalism, you stay longer than you should. He should be your boyfriend because you like him and he likes you; there does not need to be anything else to it. And if you break up, throw back a Cosmopolitan and hit the club. Life’s too short to take dating so seriously.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash.