In the wake of 90s romcoms and celebrity tabloids, it is fair to say today’s society has been heavily influenced by the perceived need to date. With films such as: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and Notting Hill raising the current generation of young adults, the idea that needing a romantic partner has skyrocketed. The notion of having a partner within these seminal pieces of media represents a growing desire for security and validation, especially, external validation. While this may sound cynical, this does not mean there are not more pleasant reasons for wanting a relationship. Rather, this is simply noting the standards imposed upon Generation Z as they have grown up, and so, are more likely to aspire to achieve. This leaves me wondering… do we truly prioritise our own needs in a relationship, or do we make too many sacrifices for the sake of having one?
This neglect of ourselves isn’t always direct, but, it does come in many forms. For example, we stop seeing our friends as much in lieu of hanging out with our partners. Also, we stop spending time with ourselves alone, and over time this impacts our relationship with ourselves and with our friends. It is so easy to get caught up in the early stages of a relationship, especially when you are so happy to be in the honeymoon phase with your new partner, that everything else feels so much less consequential. However, finding that balance as you settle into life with a romantic partner is vital and will surely lead to a more rounded sense of happiness in the long run!
Beyond this, it is so easy to fall into the habit of compromising with your partner in order to avoid conflict, which can also lead to not prioritising yourself and your values. In some cases, this can be because of past bad experiences with conflict, however, more commonly it is just to keep things running smoothly. Nevertheless, we must have disagreements and overcome them to strengthen the relationship, rather than letting it become fragile and susceptible to future problems.
So, how can we prioritise ourselves?
My favourite way to spend time alone is to take myself out for coffee, even if it is just while I study. It is more about being happy in your own company — feeling fulfilled on your own, rather than by external factors. On top of this, we must ensure we independently maintain friendships, as this is equally important. Friends and flatmates are people that want to hang out with you too, even just a quick catchup will do the trick. Lastly, and keep in mind that this varies from situation to situation, try not to centre plans around your significant other. This is most crucial in relation to academic and career-oriented plans and goals. Follow your head and your heart.
To sum up, remember that you are the main character in your own life, not the love interest. It is so important that, especially as young adults, we remember to grow and do the things we want to do. Whether that is with, or without, a partner is up to you, but it is vital to remember to have balance and put yourself first. It is your story, and you should lead it!
Image by Becca Renouf- Maverick for The Student