Waking up in my own bed after a Wednesday night out, I became aware that this isn’t the norm at university. In fact, I should’ve woken up confused in an unfamiliar flat with my clothes nowhere to be found. But with the resurgence of purity culture, university’s social norms about sex clash; noted by the Guardian as Gen-Z’s “sex recession.” Everyone (and their flatmates) seem to have an interest in your sex life; whether they congratulate or shame you for it. The question lies: are students in some unique enclave of society where what happens (or doesn’t) in our pants is up for public discussion?
The reality is that many students enter university with no sexual experience, and with hope that fresher’s week is meant to be a grand sexual awakening. It sounds feasible until you’re in the club overwhelmed by the presence of so many people: where do you start? Once that seed of insecurity enters your mind, suddenly everyone feels off limits. I’ve noticed that this fear of being a virgin had already sparked conversations about ‘getting experience’ before university—no one wanted to embarrass themselves during fresher’s week. Thanks to COVID-19, Gen Z’s hindered socialisation impacted the formative years that would’ve otherwise built up our chance to demystify sex and make it feel more approachable. Now, sex can feel like an obstacle that has been painted to be crucial to fulfil the conventional university experience.
This pressure to conform also comes with pushback. Purity culture’s rise has trickled down into university, despite being where chaos is normalised—like getting black-out drunk on a Tuesday. During my routine TikTok doomscroll, the volume of videos bragging about how virginity is ‘the ultimate flex’ surprised me, as it seemed to contrast my preconceived notions about students’ consensus of sex. Hookups and club makeouts went from sounding usual to being shameful. The liberation of being able to experiment now turned into feeling pressured to hold strict personal ‘standards’. The urge to find the calm within the chaos has pushed us to police the most personal parts of us, and to scrutinise others that don’t appear to do so for themselves.
Either way, being a virgin or not will be met with some shame or ridicule (the grass isn’t always greener). We have a long way to go before we can dismantle the impenetrable construct of virginity. Until then, we’re left to figure out how to approach sex ourselves. Whether that includes trying out new things or waiting until you feel comfortable, there is no rush. Thanks to the patriarchy for turning everything into a deep internal conflict.
Image by atelierbyvineeth on Unsplash
