Timothée Chalamet didn’t save my life. Sorry. However, he did like my Instagram story reply in 2018 and sent me into a frenzy. I was far too excited that he had any idea at all that I existed, because after I saw him in Lady Bird for the first time, I was just a little bit obsessed. Because I was a fangirl. This isn’t new, nor is it unique to me (or women). I mean, Lisztomania was way back in the 1840s, the Beatles famously attracted hordes of fans whenever they stepped outside in the 1960s, and girls nowadays camp for upwards of 18 hours to be three feet closer to Harry Styles than the girls who showed up an hour before the show. Celebrities have also always interacted with their fans to some degree, in structured interactions like post- screening Q&As, answering fan mail, and doing interviews.
However, what distinguished those fan interactions with these new ones is our level of familiarity. Before the internet, information about the rich and famous could only be gleaned through interviews or tabloid articles. This allowed for their relationships with fans to operate at an arm’s length. Now, fan/celebrity relationships have moved into the parasocial realm; they are one sided, where one party extends their time and energy into the relationship, and the other is completely unaware of their existence.
With the rise of internet celebrities and influencers, personal boundaries have become so blurred. Those who make a living and gain an audience by sharing intimate details about themselves and their lives, garner an audience who care deeply about their well-being and expect to maintain the same level of intimacy with them.
It’s hard to not form these parasocial relationships with influencers; I know the way around the inside of Emma Chamberlain’s house and Molly Mae’s birth story, how am I not supposed to feel a kind of connection to them? Even more traditional celebrities—actors and musicians— feel closer to us than ever before, solely because they utilise social media like a normal person would. This aids their popularity; when a celebrity also begins to encroach on the world of the influencers, their fanbase becomes more attached and responsive—think of Florence Pugh’s Instagram lives or Nicki Minaj’s unhinged Twitter presence.
All of this relates back to Selena Gomez. Somehow. I’m not even really sure how we got here. The Selena Gomez and Hailey Bieber “feud” of two weeks ago was a perfect example of the power of parasociality. The internet waged war against Hailey Bieber, a woman who they don’t know personally, but posted something unkind directed at Selena Gomez (another woman that they don’t know). Hailey lost hundreds of thousands of Instagram followers, and her comment section was full of people who identified as #teamselena. Even though neither woman made any direct comment nor publicly said anything about each other. Long story short, it was not a good week to be Hailey Bieber. The internet decided Hailey Bieber was cruel, and therefore decided to defend the more honourable, Selena Gomez.
The power of these parasocial relationships help celebrities wield their followers and fans like weapons, even if that is inadvertently. Selena Gomez’s candour about her mental and physical health struggles, perceived sincerity when interacting with comments from fans, and the fact that many of her fans grew up with her as a role model, has resulted in a fanbase that will, at a moment’s notice, spring to her defence (or what they believe to be her defence). Hailey Bieber grew up in a famous family and has been criticised for her lack of personality since the beginning of her career. The internet at large feels less connected to Bieber because she shares less and interacts less. Which, ten years ago, would have been completely normal. The new expectations fans have for their relationships with the famous lead to echo chambers of extreme emotion.
I’m not arguing that Gomez is at fault here, or that Bieber is an angel. I was just awed at the action taken by hundreds of thousands of people, directed at two women that few, if any, have any actual relationship with. Who knows, maybe Hailey Bieber was shading Selena’s eyebrows. Does that warrant a constant stream of randoms telling her that her husband of five years wishes that she was Selena Gomez? No.
I used to be an active participant in online fandom culture, and I may have even had a fan account in my day. I was hugely influenced by my own parasocial relationships, especially when I was too young to fully understand their nature. I too was filled with rage when a celebrity I liked was seen out on a date with a different celebrity that I deemed unworthy. Again, I reiterate. I didn’t know these people. I would feel genuine emotion for complete strangers that I felt like I knew on a personal level. As I’ve grown, I’ve become more aware of the ridiculousness that was feeling genuine sadness when Timothée Chalamet was spotted on the streets of New York City with Lily Rose Depp.
Parasocial relationships are certainly not the most pressing issue facing our society; however, they have completely changed the way we all interact with the media. We expect our celebrities to directly interact with their fans and let us into their lives in a way we’ve never expected them to before. When we feel this connected to complete strangers, and when those strangers share so much of their lives with us, it becomes hard for our brains to remember that those relationships are so one-sided. As with everything, this is a complex issue; many of us can find real community and happiness by being so invested in the lives of celebrities and influencers.
For now, when I find myself getting too involved, I just have to keep reminding myself: they don’t know I exist, they don’t know I exist, they don’t know I exist. See if it doesn’t help you a little.
Image Credit: “Timothée Chalamet Venice 2019” by Pietro Luca Cassarino is licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0.