You might suddenly find yourself sat across the bar from one of these variants someday: the film bro. This article might protect you one day, unless it’s already been too late. Often found lurking in establishments such as Ventoux or Brass Monkey, this foul beast may corner you as you attempt to enjoy your pint. He will take off his trench coat to reveal his slouched figure and his Pulp Fiction T-shirt so that he can proceed with his attack comfortably. It all starts innocently enough. He might ask you a question or two so that he can test your knowledge, but this is all a part of his wider plan to bully you into a conversation about his top four on Letterboxd. Without hesitation, he names them all; Annie Hall, American Psycho, In The Mood For Love, The Godfather Part II . “I bet you’ve never watched any of them” – in his narcissism he failed to find out that you are in fact a film studies student. Despite forcing you to listen to his monologue, he is barely paying attention to what he’s saying as his eyes wander when other girls walk by. He’s the type of guy that if you ask him to say a fun fact about himself, he will say that he either wants to go into investment banking or that he is going to be a producer [things he says with certainty because mummy will put in a good word for him]. If you were ever so unfortunate to end up in the film bro’s living quarters, then it’s already too late. This means he has successfully lowered your self esteem only to immediately tell you he loves you. His bedroom is soberingly sad and bare, apart from a Clockwork Orange poster on the wall and a copy of Lolita on his bedside table. When his phone won’t stop buzzing, you see his notifications flooded with the entire ecosystem of dating apps and missed calls from his mother. If you come into such contact with a film bro then make sure it’s your last interaction, after that your relationship can be reduced to him pretending not to see you as he sulks in the Sneaky Pete’s ‘smoking area’ all night.
“Gun and Tarantino” by Sir Mildred Pierce is licensed under CC BY 2.0.