Focusing on yourself and enjoying your own company.
No two relationships are the same, and neither are the breakups that end them. Whether they ended on good terms, with respect and mutual understanding, or on bad terms, with hurt and resentment, every breakup brings its own set of emotions and challenges.
The thing I’ve found going through a breakup is all the clichés are annoyingly accurate. Clichés like “time heals all wounds” or “everything happens for a reason” feel hollow and irritating during a breakup, but these sayings exist because they contain a hint of the truth. Over time, pain often becomes less raw, memories lose their sting, and life begins to open up. The hardest part is actually believing that these truths apply to you.
It’s natural to want to avoid feeling the sadness of a breakup, but suppressing these emotions only makes them linger longer. Allowing yourself to feel your emotions fully can help you process and move through the pain; cry, journal, listen to sad songs, indulge in comfort foods – the tried-and-true methods of coping, all the things that might feel stereotypical.
Accepting that the relationship is over is arguably the hardest part, especially if you still love the person. It’s normal to hold onto the hope that things might work out or that they’ll come back, but this hope will only stop you from moving on. Allow yourself to sit with the love you still feel and acknowledge it without judgment, letting go doesn’t mean denying that they mattered.
Sometimes, moving forward means pushing yourself to try new things, even when it feels impossible. Saying yes to plans with friends, trying new hobbies, or exploring different places can all lift your spirits and distract you from heartbreak.
Lean on your friends, know when to ask for advice versus when you just need support and comfort. One way my friends helped was by coming up with the idea to do one “wholesome” activity a week. Even small things like a long walk, some arts and crafts, or baking together made a big difference. Set plans, having something to look forward to each week has been a huge help. These distractions will start to feel like part of your new routine – not just a way to fill the void.
Breakups can make you feel lonely, but they’re also a chance to reconnect with yourself. It’s about finding happiness from yourself and not relying on others for it. Realising that you’re happy and comfortable alone is powerful – not just post-breakup, but in life in general. Learning to enjoy your own company sets foundations for future, healthier relationships.
In the end, there’s no quick fix when getting over a breakup. There should be no rush to feel “okay” again. We feel pressure to “move on quickly”, to “get over it” and start fresh, but there’s no set timeline for healing. By accepting your feelings, leaning on friends, trying new things and finding contentment in your own company, you’ll finally start to feel like yourself again.
Illustration by Eva Snedden.