“If you can’t do, teach.”
I must justify the irony of writing a piece on how to get cuffed in Edinburgh, when I have been unsuccessful in the department. But hey, it’s midnight just after Valentine’s day and I’m lamenting on what could have been. If I’d had the courage, perhaps things would have gone differently today. So, without further ado, here are my words of wisdom for those in a similar boat, envisioning how we can make the most of our time and secure ourselves a valentine for next year:
THE PROXIMITY PRINCIPLE
- Regardless of your relationship status, there is one sentiment that always rings true: relationships are bred from proximity. There’s a reason “flat-cest” happens so often, why you have a “lecture-crush” you secretly gawk at and why anonymous campus confessions make up most of “match-making mondays”. “The Proximity Principle” explains that psychologically, humans have a tendency to cultivate relationships with those who feel most familiar, that they are based on the frequency of interactions. So attend your society events, your contact hours (including your mandated tutorials), and your coffee/pub socials. I know it’s incredibly annoying when people tell you, “it’ll come to you when you’re least looking for it, you’ve just gotta let it happen.” But effortless or not, the first step to take is to simply surround yourself with all sorts of people. If Hinge doesn’t work, being in your potential SO’s scope on a regular basis just might put you one step closer to finding that special “someone”.
FLAT PARTIES
- The closest we’ll get to a “college” party experience. Unfortunately, the Edinburgh version of romance isn’t like One Day, and you might find yourself in your mate’s somewhat grotty flat exchanging awkward small talk conversations. But when your drinks hit you at just the right time, when the day descending into night transports you into a delirious state, you’ll start to let go of your anxieties. And in no way shape or form am I promoting alcoholism, but I can acknowledge that for some of us, it can provide leverage to enjoy our social interactions with less worry. Even if everyone’s drunk and I’m not, I have some comfort in knowing that they’re the ones being stupid for a change. And if you stutter and say something embarrassing (no, it’s not ) they won’t remember. So how is this relevant to cuffing? Well first, the proximity thing. Parties are the secret ingredient to becoming known. Haven’t you ever wondered how BNOCs get their name? You might not speak to someone in your literature tutorial, but a party can save the day, allowing you to approach someone you’re interested in to say “I know you.” You might have a crush you’ve been wanting to speak to for ages but haven’t been able to, out of fear of coming off as a stalker, but parties give you the exact excuse for conversation and the chance to chat the night away (at least in an ideal world).
WINGMANING
- “Hey, have you met Audrey?”
My flatmate, who is in a very loving long-term relationship with his girlfriend, has frequently joked about using this pick-up/wingman line from How I Met Your Mother to “up my game”. Now we haven’t exactly tried it, but my point is that wingmaning is in this year. If you’re a little scared to say hello and approach someone, you could have your wingman slip a note to someone at a bar (we’ve done this for a friend at Brass Monkey), cheekily talk you up to someone, or even send them in “agent-style” to remove possible obstacles so you’re in the clear for conversation. True friends will have your back, especially in the path to love. Just remember to thank them with an invite to your wedding…
BE THE ROMANTIC
- Last autumn, I found that in my trio, two out of three of us had been cuffed, leaving me bitter as the odd one out. Getting over myself, I asked my friends one key question: “How did you do it?”. The reply: “You’ve just got to be delusional.”
Another saying I’ve heard: “embarrassment is the sacrifice for success.” If in five years everything won’t matter and you’ll be left haunted only by your regrets, you really have nothing to lose. Do more than just eye your crush secretly — tell them that you find them attractive and want to get to know them more. Love doesn’t just find you, just as with friendships, it’s made. You have to apply the same principles to relationships and approach romance with confidence. Believe in love, and that you are capable of being loved; no matter how silly it sounds. That is the ultimate key to getting cuffed.
Photo by Manuel Meurisse on Unsplash