Coffee. Adjust the bitterness of the drink and feel the benefits. Sometimes a cup of coffee and a chat with a friend is all you need. Yet most of us are familiar with the phrase “We should get coffee sometime!”, a promise that is often unfulfilled. It is easily done: work piles up, schedules do not align, and before it is realised, too much time has passed. Time can slip away. Still, there is always time for an espresso or a mocha in the middle of the day. Despite this, becoming the ‘coffee friend’ is viewed negatively.
Modern friendship culture often promotes the idea that relationships must be deep, emotive and constantly readjusted to be meaningful. We celebrate lifelong bonds, while everything outside of this is not valued as much. But this does not apply to all the people that you befriend in life. Not everyone needs to know your deepest dreams and fears, some are just a fabric of your life. The ‘coffee friend’ lies in this in between — definitely not a stranger, not quite your emergency contact, but a genuine connection.
Maintaining these coffee conversations can benefit friendships and support a healthy work-life balance. Taking a brief social break during a busy day at work can improve productivity. In fact, becoming the ‘coffee friend’ can improve your mental health. Studies have shown that coffee can reduce levels of anxiety, as it combats fatigue and boosts your dopamine, which will improve mood and concentration. Pair this with an engaging conversation, and the benefits double. This way, by grabbing a coffee, you are benefitting your own mental wellbeing and helping support local businesses.
Crucially, a valued friendship should not need constant contact. Friendships should not feel forced, like anything in life. Timing plays a significant part in how these friendships develop. For example, you may meet a person during a busy part of their life and for that reason, the connection may not dive below the surface. The connection is context dependent, formed by circumstances not a lack of interest. Maybe if you met at a different point then you would have more time to invest. Coffee isn’t necessarily a placeholder — it is the relationship maintenance and a way to have a wider range of friends.
Maybe the problem isn’t the fact that we do not branch outside of getting a coffee, but the fact that we do not recognise the meaningful yet simple interactions that happen along the coffee cup. Finding time for coffee catch-ups around your schedule may benefit you more than you realise. The smallest moments in life can have the most impact.
Illustration by Niyah Lawrence for The Student