Harry and Sally, Alex and Rosie, Jim and Pam. Film and TV seems to love a slow-burn,
will-they-wont-they, friends-to-lovers storyline – and who can blame them? However the
constant dissipation of such media begs the age-old question; can men and women ever
truly be friends? Or, as Harry aptly put it, they can “never be friends…because the sex part
always gets in the way.”
I consider myself lucky to have grown up with a large capacity of male friends, in fact my
longest friend (weighing in at an impressive 20 years) is a guy, and in the interest of
self-disclosure we did agree to marry each-other aged eight but, alas, it is purely platonic
now. However, the complexities and nuances of romantic relationships will undoubtedly
always prevail; occasionally when a friend gets into a relationship they shut off all
mixed-gender friendships in a bid to make their partner feel secure. This is as rooted within
the ‘guys-and-girls-cannot-be-friends’ argument exists the heteronormative assumption that
(straight) men and women are unable to maintain friendships because they innately are too
predisposed to sexual attraction, which is — obviously — incompatible to a relationship. I would
argue, however, that there exists a certain joy in finding out that, contrary to Harry’s tirade,
the person you’re seeing has the emotional capacity and maturity to withstand mixed-gender
friendships. It demonstrates their ability to see the opposite gender beyond the confounds of
simply an inanimate sexual object. I often find myself flouting my own mixed-gender
friendships as an act of rebellion against such heteronormative and stereotypical
assumptions of friendships — take that, patriarchy!
Yet I cannot simply take the moral high ground in this situation. I know many of my friends
have fallen victim to drunkenly kissing a supposed “guy friend” in the back of a grotty club on
Cowgate or in a lecture revealing that they thought that So-and-So is actually quite good looking.
However, physical attraction is normal and as we grow older, relationships grow deeper and
warrant much more than simply attractiveness. Therefore, no longer does the juvenile
definition of romantic attraction as a combination of attractiveness and humour hold true. Long term goals, conflict resolution, and mutual respect are all necessary components to an adult relationship and often this takes a bit of searching around (hence, George Square remains a graveyard of ex-situationships.) This, however, leads to a growth in emotional maturity as you realise these three truths can coexist—in which you can find someone objectively attractive, you can harbour platonic feelings for them, (that you may have previously considered romantic) and still solely be just friends.
But again; situationships, friends-with-benefits, etcetera, etcetera are proof that it’s not
always that straightforward. So in truth can guys and girls ever truly be friends? Maybe it
remains situational? ambiguous? contextual? But, I’d like to hope that in 2026 we have
transcended beyond Harry’s tired belief, and that women are capable of existing as more
than someone a man “always wants to have sex with.”
Image by Becca Renouf- Laverack for The Student