There was an air of horror when my friend casually mentioned she had never orgasmed in sex before, intertwined with a lack of surprise. This seems to be the case across heterosexual relationships; it is generally accepted that many women simply do not finish in sex. This is clear in research too; a study found that 95 per cent of heterosexual men orgasmed regularly during sex, whilst only 65 per cent of heterosexual women could say the same. So why is this the case? And how can a culture be curated where women’s pleasure is treated equally to that of male pleasure?
It is not that it is biologically difficult for women to orgasm — in fact, the same study found that during sex with another woman, women reached climax 80-90 per cent of the time. With this evidence, it is clear that patriarchal attitudes towards sex need to be considered to understand the ‘O-gap.’ Sex historically being regarded as strictly for the purpose of procreation resulted in women’s pleasure being swept to the side, as it was not deemed necessary, or even considered at all. Despite the fact that attitudes towards sex have changed, with the casual hook-up scene on the rise, attitudes to women’s pleasure remain as stagnant as ever.
Not only is this reflected in the attitudes men have towards sex (with many seeing sex as being complete after ejaculation regardless of their partner’s pleasure), this has also resulted in extremely limited research into female anatomy. The anatomy and purpose of the clitoris, which many women need stimulation of to reach climax, is almost non-existent, and sends the subliminal message that female pleasure is not as important as male pleasure.
With these underpinning attitudes, it is not difficult to understand the reason so many heterosexual women are left unsatisfied in the bedroom. The trickier question, of course, is what can be done about it. Talking to some students, the importance of breaking the mould of women’s attitudes and typical roles in sex cannot be understated.
“You can’t be afraid to be a little bit bossy,” one student told me. “I have had too many encounters with overconfident men who thought they knew exactly what they were doing. I had to take it upon myself to say what I want.”
An open line of communication and the ability to talk about wants and needs is intrinsic to a healthy and happy sex life. The more women feel comfortable speaking up and being open and honest with their partner, the easier it will be to close the orgasm gap and have women’s pleasure being treated as a priority.