My best friend, let’s call her Rubi, is currently dating a despicable human being — we can call him Karl. Whilst I am sure that Karl is interesting, great in bed, talented, and so on, everyone hates him, myself included – despite the fact I have never had the pleasure of actually meeting Karl. What Rubi tells me is enough to wish Karl could mysteriously disappear back into the forest where they met on a very romantic, and secluded, two month building retreat in the woods. With such a wonderful meet-cute, how could anyone else possibly understand their connection? Most of us have been there, do not get me started on lesbian yearning…
When I asked Rubi if she ever gets a sinking feeling in her stomach when she’s with Karl, if she ever wakes up in the night overwhelmed by the sense that something is off, if she ever feels a mysterious gut wrench in the depths of her sleep, she laughed and agreed. Then, she went on to provide me with lots of other examples when she has been consumed by this feeling of uncertainty, but is not quite sure what to do about it.
I have spent years of my life absorbed by this feeling. There is an inexplicable pull in your stomach that makes you grumpy and defensive every time your friends try to persuade you that getting back together and attempting to make it work for the third time, really is not the answer. Spoiler alert, they were right. My friends were right to dislike my Karl, and I believe the perspective of a person who loves you, understands you, and has your best interests at heart, is rarely ever wrong.
However, this does not mean you need to copy and paste your friends’ advice into your life, as this can lead to harboured resentment, especially if a breakup is the last thing on your mind. Despite how painful it is to know your friends do not like your partner, it would certainly not be so bad if you knew in your heart of hearts that they were right.
It is obviously painful to watch a friend date someone they don’t deserve, and I am still working out how to support Rubi whilst dissuading her from a life in the woods with Karl. I know, from experience, that patience, and a few hundred conversations, might be what it takes to support her in the journey to a breakup, sooner rather than later.
PS. I pray Karl never reads this.
Illustration by Jessica Bolevin for The Student