With the end of the so-called ‘cuffing season’ this month, the loveless amongst us are still wondering when it will be our time. However, in this age of dating apps, situationships and hookups, it is increasingly becoming harder to have that rom-com first date, one where you fall head over heels immediately. Whether that first date is a dinner, drinks or simply a walk, are we just simply trying to skip to the ‘good part’?
So, what is the purpose of a first date today? Typically, you want to get to know the other person, figure out the green and red flags, whilst enjoying each other’s company. Yet for some, the timeline of relationships has changed. Intimacy has overtaken emotional connection. As one student said, “My last two relationships, our first dates were drinking and having sex.”
As with most things in our generation, social media has changed our expectations. A ‘meet-cute’ or meeting naturally has become very rare, with it progressively becoming common to connect via dating apps or social media. We get to know each other virtually, and we build an expectation in our minds. This tends to lend itself to a ‘talking stage’ as well. We have been there, texting for hours into the night, losing sleep and skipping university. When the first date comes rolling around, if you’re lucky to get that far, we tend to see it as a casual screening rather than a romantic encounter.
Our social media presence shapes how we present ourselves. Curated profiles and photos are, in a way, how we ‘sell’ ourselves. The first date can be an attempt to replicate and live up to our digitalised version.
However, the art of first dates might not be lost but simply evolving. Texting before a first date has become a vetting process: first, to make sure they are someone you are interested in, and second, to know they are who they say they are. As students, practicality must play a role in the dating landscape. We cannot afford lavish dinner dates with drinks flowing. We wouldn’t be simply putting our hearts on the line, but also our bank accounts. We tend to go for situations that allow authenticity to shine through. Whilst older generations may see this as less thoughtful and romantic, it befits our lifestyle.
In the ever-changing landscape of dating, first dates have certainly evolved. Whether this means the ‘art’ has disappeared is yet to be determined, but there is still hope. We are becoming more attuned to this new dating scene and how to navigate it and if we find the ‘one’, the story will write itself, whether that is with the perfect rom-com first date or a swipe.
Illustration by Sally Mulvihill for The Student.