On the 10 hour drive from South Wales to Edinburgh, my mind couldn’t help but wonder who I’d be living with for the next year. I conjured up images of a range of new people: from hardcore athletes to party animals, from studyholics to shopaholics. Watching Fresh Meat — a comedy programme about an atypical group of students in alternative university accommodation – just weeks before moving only heightened my expectations of all the new and strange situations I might experience. More than this, I thought I’d take the chance to ‘reinvent’ myself – I wouldn’t have to be the same shy, quiet girl I’d been all throughout my primary and secondary school years. I would break free from the mould I’d grown so comfortable in.
However, as I unlocked the door of my new flat there were no bustling 18 year olds and no other fussing parents around. Having heaved the rest of my boxes and suitcases up many flights of stairs, I met my flatmates in the kitchen. While I had imagined a flat of five, or even 10, people, there were only two girls there. Although, they were not actually girls but women, being that they were both in their early twenties!
For the sake of anonymity, we’ll call them Harper and Emma. They were in their third and fourth years, respectively. Obviously I was in my first. This was not ideal, I thought to myself, but I’d try to make the best of it. Over the next few weeks we would chat in the kitchen, exchange social media handles, and even watch the northern lights from outside our halls together – but nothing ever really clicked. It wasn’t a matter of being incompatible, since we all liked the same music, books and had similar hobbies. Perhaps it was more to do with maturity – while two years isn’t much of an age gap, I was new to this academic setting and living far from home, and they were used to it. This also meant they would spend a lot of time studying in their rooms or reading in the kitchen as opposed to joining societies and going out.
None of this is to say I blame or have anything against them, but it did knock the confidence I’d promised myself I’d have. Following my disappointed expectations, I found it hard to socialise, especially since I was so used to having my friends just being there at school. I had really hoped I’d have some sort of automatic friend group – or even just one person – waiting for me in my new home. Looking back maybe this was a bit naive, but so was I.
Once I’d settled in and adjusted to my flatmates’ quiet lifestyles, it was almost winter break. Unfortunately Harper and Emma were only there for the semester, so when I came back in January, there were two new American third and fourth years to meet. Just like the first pair, they kept to themselves too.
Although I was sometimes jealous, or felt left out, that I didn’t have much to share about my new university life, I am very grateful that I don’t have any horror stories or strange incidents that have scarred me. Some of the things I’ve heard make me rethink my initial disappointment.
Nevertheless, I continued to make friends in my tutorials and even went to some societies on my own. I really had to force myself to come out of my shell, but it worked. I’m still close with people from some of my first tutorials today, and my social skills have only grown better and better. This was a push I really needed.
Two years on, as I enter my third year, I realise how many friends I have actually made along the way. Whether they be from societies, mutual friends I’ve connected with, or some that don’t go to university at all. It is more than I ever expected when I felt all alone in my silent first year flat.
So, for the freshers that are reading this, this is what I wish someone had told me:
Do not be afraid or feel left out if your living arrangements are not what you expected. There are so many ways to make friends – say yes to everything. It only takes one friend to make many more, or even just to have a couple of really close relationships if that’s more your style. Everyone feels different and a bit self-conscious, especially if you’re far from home, but that’s what brings students together.
