University seems to come with two contradictory instructions: have fun and don’t settle down, but also somehow find someone worth settling down for. It is reiterated that these are the years to be young, to experiment, and to learn from our mistakes. However, it is hard not to wonder why everyone else seems to have a significant other. Between deleting Hinge and inevitably redownloading it three weeks later, we find ourselves stuck between wanting a relationship, and wondering whether we are supposed to want one at all.
Dating apps offer an almost immediate endorphin rush, from the match, to the first message. You’ve found someone who likes your photo and thinks your responses to “I’m learning how to…” and your “unusual skill” are funny. For a moment, there is a possibility that this person could be different.
Then comes along the “Talking Stage.” The same app that promised romance has given us a range of new vocabulary for uncertainty: ghosting, situationships, and the dreaded: the ick.
Maybe that is the problem of dating in our age. We crave intimacy, companionship, someone to share our lives with, but we have grown up in an age where dating is seen as a process of elimination. It has become overly robotic: we swipe, match, talk, overanalyse, occasionally meet, and sometimes get ghosted. This is all whilst knowing there are plenty more fish in the sea — all easily accessible with an app.
In a dating culture that rewards detachment, admitting that you want someone for companionship, to make plans with, to introduce to your friends, to call after a bad day, feels vulnerable. But not all relationships should start with grand ideas of marriage, children, or an outline for the next five years.
The problem with our age group may not be that we stopped believing that there is the concept of “the one.” Maybe, we are overwhelmed with the possibility that there could be someone else, a better fit. Rather than putting in the time and effort, we cower at the first ick or red flag.
Photo by Flure Bunny on Unsplash
