With Halloween over and Christmas fast approaching, the festive period is well and truly upon us. In a desperate attempt to escape from the clutches of exam stress and vitamin D deficiency, we are all clinging to whatever’s at hand to distract us — whether it’s a flight home, the feeling after that final exam, or spending Christmas with family. The perfect mental image of these events we create in our minds keeps us going. But when you take a second to think about it, it’s often the case that the things we count down to with such anticipation don’t meet our expectations when they arrive. Why are we constantly looking towards the next thing, even when we know it might not live up to the image we have in our heads?
My 18th birthday fell conveniently on the day of my three-hour long Advanced Higher Mandarin exam. All teenage fantasies of the perfect 18th were thus shattered and my expectations disintegrated; a big birthday party — or any sort of party for that matter — was out of the question. When the not-so-anticipated day arrived, my friends picked me up between my two exam papers and took me to a McDonald’s drive-thru to celebrate in style. When I was free at last from the academic shackles, my Mandarin teacher gave me a very thoughtful birthday card in which he told me he had an important exam on his 19th birthday, and so he understood the feeling. I went home and had a cocktail with my parents, ate a takeaway (along with my body weight in cake) in front of the TV, and went to bed freshly 18 with a very full heart. To this day, it is one of the best birthdays I can remember.
21 felt like an important age, and so the expectations were high. In my head I had to do something big to mark the occasion, so I could always look back and know that I brought adulthood in with a bang. This proved difficult when exam season came around and the big day fell between two of my exams, while the rest of my friends were in the pits of academic stress and not exactly in the mood for a blowout. Plans fell through, and the day was a disappointment to say the least. I was absolutely gutted, because I didn’t ‘do’ 21 the way you’re meant to, and my attempt to control the day had backfired completely.
As much as I’m aware I was overthinking my birthday plans, I know I’m not alone in the anticipation of an event outweighing the reality. Scientific research has shown this in fact has nothing to do with a personal fault and everything to do with the way our brains work. Studies have found that our dopamine levels actually peak when we are anticipating an event, rather than when the event itself happens.
The interesting thing about this anticipation paradox is that we know expectations often exceed reality, but that doesn’t stop us from looking forward to things. We repeat the process every year, and every time we have something to look forward to. So perhaps we would all benefit from learning to appreciate the anticipation too, whilst resisting the desire to control the thing we’re looking forward to. The best days happen unexpectedly and organically, and it’s often only the power of hindsight that reveals that they were in fact so good. We can’t control the way things play out — our only power lies in enjoying the time we have to the best of our ability.
Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash
