One of the best things about university is that your flatmates are often your best friends. Nothing quite compares to that nightly debrief about class, work, friendships, and relationships — all in the privacy of your own home. That is, until your flatmate’s romantic relationships get serious, and suddenly your home isn’t so private anymore.
Enter the flatmate’s partner. They’re tall, they’re okay-looking, and they introduce themself politely enough. The only thing worrying you is the stain in the middle of their T-shirt, hovering somewhere between brown and yellow, but they seem nice and your flatmate is excited.
Fast-forward two months: tonight will be the third time they’ve slept over in a row, there’s a mounting pile of dirty dishes next to the sink, two skid marks in the toilet, and you don’t even want to know where that hair in the shower came from. You’ve lost count of the number of times you’ve had to close the toilet seat lid, and the other day you spotted a toenail next to the bathroom bin. The fact is, this person is disgusting, and they certainly aren’t good enough for your best friend.
And it’s a good friend’s responsibility to tell them — no matter how difficult it might be. In these situations, it’s much easier to turn a blind eye to keep the peace, but you’re only setting yourself up for failure in the long run. Love can blind us, but you have the privilege of being the spectator, one who can see the cold, hard, dirty, hairy reality.
So, how do you go about it? Start with the gentle approach: invite your flatmate to do things just the two of you — remind them what life was like before their partner entered the equation — or say positive things about your flat like “I love that we have our own space here.” If that doesn’t work, try being obnoxiously helpful: do the partner’s dishes, but rather than putting them away, put them in an obvious pile on the counter.
If they still aren’t getting the hint, you might need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart about the whole ordeal. There’s no shame in this. Eventually, the rose-tinted glasses are going to get grimy and they’ll realise that they might not be the best match.
So really, you’re only speeding up the inevitable, for the benefit of the both of you.
At university, partners come and go like midterms, or that Pleasance gym membership you never renewed. Your friends are the ones who last, so watch out for them.
Photo by Travis Grossen on Unsplash.
