My flatmate won’t make any compromises for us whilst we constantly do for her, how do we bring it up?
My dearest nieces and nephews, I hope that midterms have been treating you well. This week we are tackling one of the thornier problems — flatmates. Now, one must always tread carefully when dealing with those that they live with. After all, a disgruntled flatmate can, and will, make your flat a living hell if they really desire to (and that’s not just for Halloween).
In most scenarios, your flatmates are (hopefully) some of your closest friends, which adds another layer of complication to the already precariously stacked Jenga tower that is communal living. Therefore, the best way to deal with this is to communicate your feelings honestly. As therapeutic as it may be to moan and vent to your other flatmates, this doesn’t solve the problem. Therefore, what I propose is a good old-fashioned “sit down and talk about your feelings” flat meeting. Get the talking stick out and pass it around like you’re back in circle time in primary school. That potato masher that your parents bought you that has never seen the light of day is about to get some use. You may think I am joking, but this has genuinely worked well in my own experience.
I would broach the topic delicately, in a way that is not immediately accusatory. Instead, explain how this has affected you and your feelings about the situation — what really irks you about the lack of compromises on their end? How has this affected your living situation and relationship? Hear them out as well, even if you don’t agree. The key is to establish open and honest communication, where they feel like they can also be heard and understood, rather than making it feel like you’re putting them on trial. Figure out at least one thing that all agree needs to be changed in both your, and their, behaviour. They need to compromise on some things, that much is clear. However, you should also interrogate your own expectations of them, as it is easy to get carried away. No one is perfect!
Last, but not least, the old saying “don’t go to bed angry” does have some salience. Sit and figure out the problem until you arrive at a practical solution, and have kissed and made up.
All my love,
Your old Uncle Egbert x
Image by Amelia Patterson (@patt_paints) for The Student
